“Just” a Mom

Growing up and prior to having kids, I was always pursuing a goal, whether it was getting into a specific college, getting a job, or considering advancing my teaching degree to an administration degree.  But, as I became a mom, my life suddenly made a dramatic turn.  My bitty babes became my priority and I soon found myself becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom. 

When Ella was around 3 years old, I started to often hear her say,

“Daddy has work, so Mommy can...”

or the slightly more hurtful version –

“Mommy doesn’t work, so we can...”

Although it didn’t quite bother me that she didn’t view my stay-at-home job as a traditional paying job,  I thought it was important to take the opportunity to explain what I had sacrificed to be with her 24/7, and how lucky we are that I am able to stay at home with them.  I also made sure to explain to her that a stay-at-home mom definitely is work and every detail of what that job entailed.  

As the years passed (Ella now 6 and Lucas 3), these type of comments were still often muttered, and it stirred some uneasiness within me.  So, I began the search of possibly going back to the workforce part time, giving myself a goal besides being “just a mom”.  My husband and I researched and looked up potential job opportunities, but quickly found that they did not match our family’s desire for me to not work past their end-of-school dismissal time.  At the end of the day, my priority and desire was still to be with my children – being able to personally attend to their drop off/pick up schedule from school, volunteering in their classrooms, and wanting to be there with them as much as possible without needing to send them to before or after-school care.

I felt trapped between two worlds.  Wanting to fulfill and cherish all of my responsibilities of a mom of young children while struggling with thoughts of being called “just a mom” by my own daughter.  In some ways, I think I began to feel like, “just a mom” in my own mind too.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I wanted to be able to fill the void within myself which was craving to be able to contribute something to the outside world. 

The idea of self-care was another component that I really wanted to instill and teach to Ella and Lucas.  They are now at a perfect age to learn about building a dream and finding your purpose.  It’s been so easy for me to fall into the role of being mommy, but I wanted them to know that there can be more to mommy’s life than just the children. The component of self-care in my case was goal-oriented and pursuing a potential business for myself – reconnecting to the me that was put aside after having children.  Through deep reflection, I found that there was an inner drive and need in me to be active in reconnecting to the other person mommy was.  And I especially wanted to model this quality for my daughter, Ella - that strong women can accomplish anything she sets her mind to.

The idea came to me to write books when I thought about what I really enjoyed doing with my own children – reading Chinese books, and sharing my language, culture, and heritage with them.  After having my children, I discovered a plethora of fun engaging books that I was never exposed to as a child. I fell in love with these books as much as my kids did.  I found myself constantly scouring the internet for cute children’s books with great storylines and educational components. But what I discovered during my search of children’s books was the lack of cute bilingual books.  I really wished that there were bilingual books that made it possible for my husband and I to both participate in the teaching and learning of a secondary language. 

And so … Bitty Bao was born.